Home is… at the end of the road

I’m travelling on the road of ups and downs. My life is just like the winding roads through the mountains, sometimes exhilarating, sometimes scary and slow. Life on the road is often unpredictable. You are never sure of finding a job, having income, or even finding a place to sleep. For someone who plans everything into detail and loves some structure, this can be hard to deal with.

Whereas at home you have your family to support you, out in the world, you are always on your own. Most of the time I am fine, enjoying life to the fullest and not even thinking about anyone else. I am only human though and I’ve noticed I don’t deal well with change. I like periods of travel mixed with periods of staying in one place. Every time I have to leave a place, I’ve gotten so attached to it that it fills me with melancholy.

I can make a place feel like home fairly quickly though. Leaving is the hard part. Back on the road I feel so alone, no matter how many people are around me. It is the worst feeling to sit in a hostel living room, feeling like there’s nobody to connect with. Then you get back into it, meet people, see the most amazing places, but after a while, the time comes to find a job again. There is nothing worse than the feeling of uncertainty. Where will I work? What will I do?

The process of looking for jobs, waiting for answers is excruciating. During this time I can’t really enjoy where I am. All I focus on is getting things organized. Once you have the job, you’ll need to find accommodation, not always as easy as it sounds. Right now I’m in Queenstown, still in a hostel, surrounded by good people who are in this situation. We all just sit on the couch, look at accommodation ads, go for interviews and wait for answers.

It feels like I’m in a little family here. There is a mutual understanding and solidarity. We’re all about to embark on a new adventure and are in a ‘land in between’. Whereas I felt so alone when I arrived here, it quickly turned around. Nothing has changed about my fear and uncertainty, the worries and hopes, but I’ve got people to share it with. There’s a substitute family that understands and can lift a little bit of weight off your shoulders. I start to feel like I can make this place a home, whatever happens. Yesterday, a girl came back into the hostel after a week and told me: “I am so happy to see you, it feels like coming home.”